The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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