I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
