now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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