Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
