Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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