Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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