So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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