I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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