brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
