I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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