she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I just put wine in my tea
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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