3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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