he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
