Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
