also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
