So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
