we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
