Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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