I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
