If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
