don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We got so high we made milksteak
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
