found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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