I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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