I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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