My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
