he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
