I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
