We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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