being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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