I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize