who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
