??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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