God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
