walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
