connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
