i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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