did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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