Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
