girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
