So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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