all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
