It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
please don't ironically join a cult
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