does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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