we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
