i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
