Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
