And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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