went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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