she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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