Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize