I wish I could punch you in the face.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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