Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
