I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
