There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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