evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
