Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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