My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just cut my nipple shaving
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
