dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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