I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
