what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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