If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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