hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
