Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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