I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
