Is it because I queefed?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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