A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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