I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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