i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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