i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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