shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
