My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
