so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
