I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
