Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
