your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
