Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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