I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize