we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
