I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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