and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
