he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
