im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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